SE28 Thamesmead

Hello people,

Today I’m in Thamesmead SE28. If you type ‘SE28 restaurants and bars’ into Google, the first result you get is the Princess Alice, a carvery restaurant with a very respectable 3 and a half stars out of five on Google reviews. The next result is a chip shop called Britania Fish Bar, with an impressive 4.7 stars (6 reviews), and then you get a Chinese take away in Woolwich. According to Wikipedia no one famous has ever come from Thamesmead. If you type SE28 into visit London the top attraction is Thamesmead Town Centre Post Office, and if you google hotels in SE28 the top search is the Travelodge in Woolwich rated at 3.8 stars, only 0.2 stars better than Belmarsh Prison, which is actually closer to Thamesmead.

The path to Thamesmead

To the untrained eye it would appear that there’s little to say about Thamesmead, but to an experianced time traveller/ SE London blogger like me, there’s a wealth of pretty interesting stuff. Like Binsy Walk, the setting for Stanley Kubrick’s film ‘A clockwork orange.’ Also the New Acre library and Tavy Bridge, great examples of Brutalist Architecture. Tragically, these buildings and more are to be demolished to make way for the new Thamesmead redevelopment. I must save Thamesmead from destruction, but I cannot do it alone, that's why I've gone back to 1960's Barnhurst, to meet the father of SE28, in the hope I can enlist his help!

The year was 1966 and a man called Anthony Walton was at his home, reading the local paper. Whether Mr Walton religiously read ‘The Barnhurst Evening News’ or if he simply happened upon a copy one dull evening while waiting for colour television to be invented, we may never know. But what we do know, is that one historic day, somewhere in between the articles announcing the coming school fate, and the disturbing news that the wet summer would cause a blight on home grown tomatoes, he saw a competition to name a new town, and the prize was £20, worth about £300 million by today’s standards. Anthony picked up his pen, scratched his chin, and made history by writing the name... Thamesmead.

Thamesmead with it's beautiful lakes and savage swans

Why Anthony chose Thamesmead, and what the name meant to him, no one knows. The inclusion of the word Thames seems sensible considering the towns location, but why mead? Thames-made would make sense, as the town would be made by the Thames. Thames-meed would also work to as meed is an old English word meaning ‘deserving of praise.’ Mead however is a medieval alcoholic beverage the masses consumed so they wouldn’t die from drinking stagnant water. Was Mr Walton, and all of the town planners judging the competition, poor at spelling? Or was it their collective hope that this new town would be awash with people sitting by the river, smashed out of their skulls from hooch derived from fermented honey and water? The question ‘Why did Anthony Walton choose the name Thamesmead?’ has been as great a mystery to mankind as the origins of the universe? Where the pyramids in Egypt were built? And the Popes religious beliefs? All I know for sure is that Anthony Walton is the only man capable of saving the town he named from extinction. I chose to go back to the week after Anthony had been told he won the competition, so I wouldn’t disrupt the history timeline, tapped the letterbox on his front door, and as he opened it, I said.

“Hello Anthony, I have come from the future, in a world where Thamesmead has been built, and you are considered a legend. I imagine there are many things you’d like to ask me, as I do you, there’s so much we can learn from each other.’ Anthony blinked, pulled on his green and grey striped cardigan.

“What’s Thamesmead like in the future?" I scratched my head, I hadn’t been prepared for such a tough question straight off the bat. Eventually I replied.

"There’s a nice post office.” Noticing my answer hadn’t fully satisfied him, I decided to get straight to point.

“Anthony, you to gotta come with me.”

“Where?” He replied.

“To the future.”

“Whoa, wait a minute. What are you talking about? What happens to Thamesmead in the future?”

“They’re planning to knock it down.” I took the magical adjustable spanner out of my man bag, and Anthony rubbed his chin nervously.

“How are we going to get there? There’s heavy road works on the A206?” I took hold of his arm and said.

“Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.” Turned the spanner, and to 2018 we flew. Once we arrived we took the 229 bus from Barnhurst to Thamesmead.

“I thought you said we weren’t going to need any roads?” Anthony said as he sat down next to me.

“That was just a figure of speech. Now let me fill you in on everything that’s happened...."

The lake by the Princess Alice

"The decision to build Thamesmead was taken in the early 1960’s to solve the post war housing crises. World War II had been devastating tragedy resulting in the loss of life of over 60 million people world wide, on the plus side though it did mean you could always get a seat on the train. The war ending meant that war related deaths fell dramatically, a consequence nobody could have foreseen. This meant the population rose, which put a massive strain on housing in large working class communities such as South and East London. Something needed to be done, in these enlightened days, we resolve problems like this by holding a referendum and then arguing over the result for the next 5 years. But the Londoners of the 1960’s had a different idea, to build more homes, and where better to build, then on prone to flooding overgrown marshland, with no transport links or local amenities, heavily polluted from nearby sewage and industrial works? Fortunately Thamesmead’s planners were equal to the challenge set them.

The first problem the planners saw was;

Question - ‘Why would anyone want to live in a place that floods?’

Answer - To solve this minor hiccup the new homes were designed to have garages on the ground floor, and high level walkways connecting the buildings. That way if flooding were to happen, residents homes wouldn’t be damaged, and they could still get about without getting their feet wet! Also the existing barriers along the Thames were raised and strengthened.

An example of the original buildings with garages at ground floor level - just in case you thought I was lying

The next problem was,

Question -  ‘How do you build on wet marsh land?’

Answer - “You drain it, idiot”

Next question - “what do you do with all the water you’ve drained? It’s going to be a lot of water!”

Answer - “See that big river next to you? Put it into that. Moron.”

Next, next question - “What happens when the water level in the Thames is too high?

Answer “Oh....???”

The final solution was to use the drained water to build a series of lakes, which swans and ducks live in to this day. Clever clogs.

Question - ‘Its very windy here, and what are we going to do about the noise from all the factories and sewage works near by?”

Answer - The High rise concrete towers were to surround lower rise buildings in the middle of Thamesmead, to reduce wind and noise levels from the near by industry. 

Finally the jubilee line was to be extended out to Thamesmead to provide quick access into London.
Thamesmead was billed as the town of the future, a symbol of humanities quest to thrive within its environment. So did it work? sadly, no.

The high level walkways didn’t lead to places people would actually want to go such as the shops, or the pub, or anywhere. So they were hardly ever used and considered unsafe places to be at night time. Primarily because abandoned walkways are unsafe places to be at night time. The concrete high rise towers which were intended to double up as noise and wind barriers for the low rise buildings weren’t completed till the early 1980’s. The jubilee line never came to Thamesmead, and the water used to fill the new lakes was somehow contaminated which mutated the swans into dragon like animals that feed on stray cats, foxes and small children.

One of the controversial walkways. In the distance are one of Thamesmead's notorious gangs of new mothers with their offspring. Had I not been wearing 'Bumps & Babies' colours, I'd probably be dead.

Thamesmead’s reputation was further tarnished when it became the setting for Stanley Kubrick’s 1971 film ‘A Clockwork Orange’ a violent distopian view of the future which frustratingly has nothing to do with clocks or oranges.

Thamesmead name as the town of the future was eventually replaced with names like concrete jungle and sink estates."

“Blimey” said Anthony. “That was incredibly detailed, you even told me about the stuff that happened back in my time. So what are the new plans for Thamesmead?”

“Well Anthony, the new Thamesmead developers are investing over one billions pounds into the area, that’s about £600 in 1966 money. They’re planning to knock down the buildings no one liked, keep the buildings and green spaces people do, re-house residence in better quality homes, whether they like it or not, and improve the transport links, we’ve got to stop it!” Anthony rubbed his chin.

“But surely that a good thing?” He replied. I slapped my forehead.

“Great Scott’s! You’re right, this new developments the best thing to happen to SE London since the Mean Time Brewery! Thanks Anthony.”

We didn’t put a halt to the Thamesmead redevelopment, instead I took him for a little tour around the canals and showed him the Post Office. When I brought him back to 1966 he thanked me for showing him the future, and we parted as friends. As always my travels through time achieved nothing. Still, it was nice to get out.

I’m off to the Princess Alice for a pint. Till next time.

The soon to be demolished Binsey Walk - The setting for Kuberik's classic film 'A clockwork orange.' Considered by most to be his finest citrus themed work.