Sunday 6 November 2016

SE5 Camberwell continued

Hello People,

Apologies for the long gap between posts, but since we last spoke I’ve been kidnapped, escaped, and have been on the run ever since to ensure my magical adjustable spanner doesn’t fall into the hands of those who would use it for evil. Let me start at the beginning… 

You may remember I ended my last blog hot on the trail of my nemesis 'the tall man.' I'd spotted him in Ruskin Park, Camberwell carrying a large net, and I signed off my blog as I was following him into a secluded walkway. It doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to guess what happened next. Once away from the public view, he cast his net and snared me like Captain Birdseye would a fish finger. Then with the help of his evil side kick (who must have been hiding in the walkway the whole time) dragged me somewhere secluded. 

The Walkway at Ruskin Park
I must be honest readers I was a little hurt that no one enquired after my welfare when I've been missing for more than 4 months, but to avoid an argument I'm willing believe that you all assumed I had the whole thing under control, and have been waiting patiently by your screens for this installment. Now let me try to remember what happened next. I think I spoke, oh no wait, the tall man spoke first. Yes that's right, I remember he shouted"Hand over the device!"

"Is that prison slang?” I asked “I'm not handing you anything, let me go you perverts!" His evil side kick, kicked me in the side. The irony was not lost on me. 


He went on... "The device, the special contraption, I demand you give it to me." 

It took me a moment to speak as her kick had knocked the wind out of me. "What device? Who are you both?" I asked.

Regaining his composure, he raised himself to full height and gestured like a prince announcing himself at court "I am Ptolomy Tobias Archimedes Octavian Montague-Fitzwilliam, and this is Vanessa.” The petit blond next to him growled at me. I twisted and turned to get free from his net, but the more I struggled the tighter it became. 

"What do you want with me?" I yelled.

The tall man removed a silver cigarette case from his coat pocket and placed one of the long thin cigarettes to his lips, out of his other pocket he removed an old fashioned lighter which produced a flame almost as long as his head. With one graceful movement he parted his knee length Mac and lowered his face towards mine, his words hung in the air as long as the cloud of smoke that accompanied them. "We want your time machine." 

I gasped, "You mean my magical adjustable time travelling spanner? What do you want with it?"

His eyes darkened in the fog. "That you need to ask proves why you don’t deserve to be custodian of such an object. You hold all the power in the world and all you can think to do with it is make your pathetic field trips through time and write your ridiculous stories." Vanessa growled again.

Secluded Area in Ruskin Park (Ooh spooky)
I spoke "But it's a magical time travelling spanner, what would you use it for except to learn about history?" 

He took another pull of his cigarette. "To change history. To make history. Remove certain people from time. Acquire their works for myself.”

I spoke again "Remove? Acquire? Change history? But that would break Doc Browns time travel law that you should never do anything that alters the future, it’s a code every good time traveller adheres to!" Suddenly a truly terrible thought occurred to me "Great Scotts! You're planning on stealing other writer’s works and passing them off as your own in order to create a super blog! One that no other blogger could compete with! The best blog in south east London!” 

An evil grin crossed his face which made him look like the Grinch moments before he stole Christmas, and he said "Not just south east London; the world.”

"But I thought you wanted to help me with my investigation into the Cutty Sark fire?" 

The tall man’s temper rose again and he said "You fool, the fire was clearly an accident, I've been tracking down the device for years. I needed to be sure you had the time machine before making my move. The mysterious meetings, having you chase Vanessa around south east London, the whole thing was an elaborate rue so we could keep an eye on you and make certain you were the time machines guardian." 

I gasped "You mean you were secretly spying on me while I was secretly spying on you?" 

He took another pull on his cigarette and let the smoke drift into my face. "In a word; yes" he said.

"You fiend!" I yelled and desperately struggled to get free. Finally the tall man turned to his accomplice and said "Beat him up Vanessa and find out what he knows." 

By now Vanessa was nothing more than a snarling beast, she approached me like a rabid dog that had just caught a cat he already disliked in bed with his wife. My only chance to get away was to try to reach inside my back pack for my magic spanner. Luckily the tall man and Vanessa hadn't thought to search me. I reached inside, fumbled around, and with seconds to spare before her fist connected with my nose, I grabbed the spanner and twisted the screw. I was instantly free from the net, and although still in Ruskin park, in a different time altogether. After a quick look around to get my bearings I saw building work going on at the site where Kings Hospital stands, so I must have been in 1913 when the hospital was first built.

The Park in 2016
Kings Hospital originally opened in 1840 in Holborn, central London. It was used as a training facility for the medical students of Kings College London. 1840's Holborn was one of London's most overcrowded slums, with most of its residents far too poor to afford medical care, so this new free hospital proved to be very popular. In fact it was so popular that within two years of opening it was treating 1290 patents in 120 beds, with patients often having to share!

This arrangement seemed to suit everyone until sometime in the early 1900's when one day, patients simply stopped coming to Kings Hospital. Student doctors were suddenly left with nothing to do, so for a while they examined and when necessary, operated on each other. Once they'd exhausted that avenue they walked around Holborn, stopping passers by and asking them if they'd like any medical care? Pretty soon it became impossible to walk down the streets of Holborn without 6 or 7 junior doctors trying to take your pulse and a urine sample from you. But why? Where had all the poor sick people gone? The tabloid press claimed that poor people were too lazy to go to hospital and get treated, and would rather slowly die then get better and get a job. The Government of the time said foreigners where definitely to blame, but weren't sure how or why.

What had actually happened was far more straightforward. As London expanded, the areas around its centre such as Holborn, became more desirable. With that came the inevitable rises in rent, overcrowding in schools, and irritating new parents with ridiculously over complicated push chairs moving in. When this happened, the poor simply moved away.

To combat this Kings was relocated to Camberwell in 1909 where a dense population, coupled with a high volume of Morley’s Chicken shops selling tasty nutrition light, saturated fat heavy food, ensured the hospital would have plenty of patients for years to come. Today Kings serves a population 700,000, and in certain areas that they specialise in, millions of people in southern England.

So there you have it, that’s my story, and I’ve spent the last few months travelling through time to avoid the tall man and Vanessa. I must do all I can to stop the spanner falling into their evil hands. But don’t worry loyal readers (all three of you) I’ll still post my adventures, assuming I’m not killed in the meantime.