Hello People,
Apologies for the long gap between posts, but since we last spoke I’ve
been kidnapped, escaped, and have been on the run ever since to ensure my
magical adjustable spanner doesn’t fall into the hands of those who would use
it for evil. Let me start at the beginning…
You may remember I ended my last blog hot on the trail of my nemesis
'the tall man.' I'd spotted him in Ruskin Park, Camberwell carrying a large
net, and I signed off my blog as I was following him into a secluded walkway.
It doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to guess what happened next. Once
away from the public view, he cast his net and snared me like Captain Birdseye
would a fish finger. Then with the help of his evil side kick (who must have
been hiding in the walkway the whole time) dragged me somewhere secluded.
The Walkway at Ruskin Park |
I must be honest readers I was a little hurt that no one enquired after my welfare
when I've been missing for more than 4 months, but to avoid an argument I'm willing believe that you all assumed I had the
whole thing under control, and have been waiting patiently by your screens for
this installment. Now let me try to remember what happened next. I think I
spoke, oh no wait, the tall man spoke first. Yes that's right, I remember he
shouted. "Hand over the device!"
"Is that prison slang?” I asked “I'm not handing you anything, let me go you perverts!" His evil side kick, kicked me in the side. The irony was not lost on me.
He went on... "The device, the special contraption, I demand you give it to me."
It took me a moment to speak as her kick had knocked the wind out of me. "What device? Who are you both?" I asked.
"Is that prison slang?” I asked “I'm not handing you anything, let me go you perverts!" His evil side kick, kicked me in the side. The irony was not lost on me.
He went on... "The device, the special contraption, I demand you give it to me."
It took me a moment to speak as her kick had knocked the wind out of me. "What device? Who are you both?" I asked.
Regaining his composure, he raised himself to full height and gestured
like a prince announcing himself at court "I am Ptolomy Tobias Archimedes
Octavian Montague-Fitzwilliam, and this is Vanessa.” The petit blond next to
him growled at me. I twisted and turned to get free from his net, but the
more I struggled the tighter it became.
"What do you want with me?" I yelled.
"What do you want with me?" I yelled.
The tall man removed a silver cigarette case from his coat pocket and
placed one of the long thin cigarettes to his lips, out of his other
pocket he removed an old fashioned lighter which produced a flame almost as
long as his head. With one graceful movement he parted his knee length Mac and
lowered his face towards mine, his words hung in the air as long as the cloud
of smoke that accompanied them. "We want your time machine."
I gasped, "You mean my magical adjustable time travelling spanner? What do you want with it?"
I gasped, "You mean my magical adjustable time travelling spanner? What do you want with it?"
His eyes darkened in the fog. "That you need to ask proves why you
don’t deserve to be custodian of such an object. You hold all the power in the
world and all you can think to do with it is make your pathetic field trips
through time and write your ridiculous stories." Vanessa growled again.
Secluded Area in Ruskin Park (Ooh spooky) |
I spoke "But it's a magical time travelling spanner, what would you
use it for except to learn about history?"
He took another pull of his cigarette. "To change history. To make history. Remove certain people from time. Acquire their works for myself.”
He took another pull of his cigarette. "To change history. To make history. Remove certain people from time. Acquire their works for myself.”
I
spoke again "Remove? Acquire? Change history? But that would break Doc
Browns time travel law that you should never do anything that alters the
future, it’s a code every good time traveller adheres to!" Suddenly a truly
terrible thought occurred to me "Great Scotts! You're planning on stealing
other writer’s works and passing them off as your own in order to create a
super blog! One that no other blogger could compete with! The best blog in
south east London!”
An evil grin crossed his face which made him look like the Grinch moments before he stole Christmas, and he said "Not just south east London; the world.”
An evil grin crossed his face which made him look like the Grinch moments before he stole Christmas, and he said "Not just south east London; the world.”
"But
I thought you wanted to help me with my investigation into the Cutty Sark
fire?"
The tall man’s temper rose again and he said "You fool, the fire was clearly an accident, I've been tracking down the device for years. I needed to be sure you had the time machine before making my move. The mysterious meetings, having you chase Vanessa around south east London, the whole thing was an elaborate rue so we could keep an eye on you and make certain you were the time machines guardian."
I gasped "You mean you were secretly spying on me while I was secretly spying on you?"
He took another pull on his cigarette and let the smoke drift into my face. "In a word; yes" he said.
The tall man’s temper rose again and he said "You fool, the fire was clearly an accident, I've been tracking down the device for years. I needed to be sure you had the time machine before making my move. The mysterious meetings, having you chase Vanessa around south east London, the whole thing was an elaborate rue so we could keep an eye on you and make certain you were the time machines guardian."
I gasped "You mean you were secretly spying on me while I was secretly spying on you?"
He took another pull on his cigarette and let the smoke drift into my face. "In a word; yes" he said.
"You
fiend!" I yelled and desperately struggled to get free. Finally the tall
man turned to his accomplice and said "Beat him up Vanessa and find out
what he knows."
By now Vanessa was nothing more than a snarling beast, she approached me like a rabid dog that had just caught a cat he already disliked in bed with his wife. My only chance to get away was to try to reach inside my back pack for my magic spanner. Luckily the tall man and Vanessa hadn't thought to search me. I reached inside, fumbled around, and with seconds to spare before her fist connected with my nose, I grabbed the spanner and twisted the screw. I was instantly free from the net, and although still in Ruskin park, in a different time altogether. After a quick look around to get my bearings I saw building work going on at the site where Kings Hospital stands, so I must have been in 1913 when the hospital was first built.
By now Vanessa was nothing more than a snarling beast, she approached me like a rabid dog that had just caught a cat he already disliked in bed with his wife. My only chance to get away was to try to reach inside my back pack for my magic spanner. Luckily the tall man and Vanessa hadn't thought to search me. I reached inside, fumbled around, and with seconds to spare before her fist connected with my nose, I grabbed the spanner and twisted the screw. I was instantly free from the net, and although still in Ruskin park, in a different time altogether. After a quick look around to get my bearings I saw building work going on at the site where Kings Hospital stands, so I must have been in 1913 when the hospital was first built.
The Park in 2016 |
Kings Hospital originally opened in 1840 in Holborn, central London. It
was used as a training facility for the medical students of Kings College
London. 1840's Holborn was one of London's most overcrowded slums, with most of
its residents far too poor to afford medical care, so this new free hospital
proved to be very popular. In fact it was so popular that within two years of
opening it was treating 1290 patents in 120 beds, with patients often having to
share!
This arrangement seemed to suit everyone until sometime in the early 1900's when one day, patients simply stopped coming to Kings Hospital. Student doctors were suddenly left with nothing to do, so for a while they examined and when necessary, operated on each other. Once they'd exhausted that avenue they walked around Holborn, stopping passers by and asking them if they'd like any medical care? Pretty soon it became impossible to walk down the streets of Holborn without 6 or 7 junior doctors trying to take your pulse and a urine sample from you. But why? Where had all the poor sick people gone? The tabloid press claimed that poor people were too lazy to go to hospital and get treated, and would rather slowly die then get better and get a job. The Government of the time said foreigners where definitely to blame, but weren't sure how or why.
What had actually happened was far more straightforward. As London
expanded, the areas around its centre such as Holborn, became more desirable.
With that came the inevitable rises in rent, overcrowding in schools, and
irritating new parents with ridiculously over complicated push chairs moving
in. When this happened, the poor simply moved away.
To combat this Kings was relocated to Camberwell in 1909 where a dense
population, coupled with a high volume of Morley’s Chicken shops selling tasty
nutrition light, saturated fat heavy food, ensured the hospital would have
plenty of patients for years to come. Today
Kings serves a population 700,000, and in certain areas that they specialise
in, millions of people in southern England.
So there you have it, that’s my story, and I’ve spent the last few
months travelling through time to avoid the tall man and Vanessa. I must do all
I can to stop the spanner falling into their evil hands. But don’t worry loyal
readers (all three of you) I’ll still post my adventures, assuming I’m not
killed in the meantime.