SE1 - Shad Thames Part 2

Hello people,

I'm still in Shad Thames SE1 and I've been using my magical adjustable spanner - which allows me to travel through time - to see how the area has changed throughout the years. During my time travels I visited the early 1900's when Shad Thames was a thriving dockyard, filled with traders, sailors and boats bringing in cargo from all over the world. It was the Amazon of it's day, only with longer waiting times and you had to buy in bulk. I watched the busy dockers move barrels of spices, wheat, tea, etc. across the walkways overhead into the huge warehouses where they were stored for sale. Incidentally, when these warehouses first became flats in the 1980's they were named after the goods that were stored in them - Vanilla & Sesame Court was where they kept the vanilla and sesame, Tea Trade Wharf was where they kept the tea, and Butlers Wharf was where they kept the Butlers. It was claimed by many of the first residents that the scents of the spices had infused into the bricks, and they could clearly smell the scent that each building was named after when they first moved in. In case you’re wondering, Butlers wharf smelt of Brute aftershave. Classy.

Shad Thames - the bridges over head were used
by dockers to shift goods between warehouses

As I watched this thriving industry, I couldn't help but wonder if there might be a way I could make a few quid while I was here too. Strictly speaking it’s against the rules to profit from time travel in case you accidentally change time and end up in an insane world where Leicester are Premier League Champions, Donald Trump is President of the USA and people only eat, sleep and exercise when their watches tell them too. So if I was going to do it, I'd have to be really sneaky, this is what I did...

I journeyed back to 2016, and had a look on Wikipedia to see if any famous people had ever lived or worked in Shad Thames. I then had a look on eBay to see whose autographs fetched the most money. After a little research I discovered that Charles Dickens had spent some time there while researching one of his novels. I forget the name of it, but it's the one about a little orphan who has an adventure. I think it's called Annie...

Anyway it turns out that Charles Dickens signed memorabilia is worth an absolute fortune, so I grabbed my copy of 'A Christmas Carol' - longest song ever by the way - plus a few other bits and pieces, gave the old spanner a quick twist, and found myself in 1836 standing by the river Thames waiting for Charles Dickens to show up. However, I hadn't gone to Shad Thames this time - Shad Thames was nothing more than a cobbled street back then. The area I'd come to find the great man, was Jacobs Island just a stones throw away....

'Every repulsive lineament of poverty, every loathsome indication of filth, rot, and garbage; all these ornament the banks of Jacobs Island.'

These are the words Charles Dickens used to describe the horror that was Jacobs Island. It's the place he chose to be the home of Bill Sikes in his story Oliver Twist, and it's where Sikes - while on the run from the mob - eventually seals his own fate. Dickens' description of the living conditions on Jacobs Island caused a lot of controversy when it was published. Many where horrified, some simply refused to believe that the place he described was anything other than a work of fiction. Sir Peter Laurie - the former Mayor of London - said publicly that the location was a work of imagination, and that no place by that name, or like it, had ever existed, but existed it had. Jacobs Island had gotten its name by being surrounded by ditches which - according to a social researcher of the time - were 'Harbouring masses of rotting weed, animal carcasses and dead fish' these ditches were the local inhabitants only source of fresh water. 

I looked around at the hardships the people of Jacobs Island had to endure, and I made a promise to myself that when I got back to 2016, I’d do more to help those a less fortunate then myself. When I awoke from my thoughts I looked across the ditch to see a well dressed man with a shabby beard, carrying a cane, walking through the heavy London fog with his note book in his hand, writing as he walked. The man was of course, Charles Dickens.

I introduced myself as a fan and asked him for his autograph, he smiled and said, "My dear fellow, I'm always happy to oblige an admirer of one's work," so I handed him my copy of ‘A Christmas Carol’ kindle edition. After he'd signed it I asked if he wouldn’t mind signing a few more things for me, and I took all the Charles Dickens memorabilia out of my bag, the CD of the soundtrack to Oliver! the musical, the BBC dramatization of Bleak House, Scrooge on VHS, in fact I’d brought so many things that he was probably there for over an hour signing stuff.

During the hour we were together, I got the impression that Charles was a man with a lot on his plate. He was constantly sighing and saying things like, "I've actually got quite a lot to do today...." and, "I really must get back to my work soon..." to which I would nod my head sympathetically before handing him another copy of 'Great Expectations' the audio book narrated by Hugh Laurie to sign.

As I said, after about an hour he muttered something about not having all day to stand around, and made to go. He clearly hadn't realised that I still had a few more things left for him to sign. So, before he could leave, I quickly called out, "Excuse me Mr Dickens." 

To my surprise he spun around and practically shouted at me, "What do you want now?!" 

I was a little taken aback. He'd seemed so friendly an hour ago. I can't think what I might have done to annoy him? I held up the 'A Tale of two cities' DVD staring Gwyneth Paltrow and very politely said, "Please sir, I want some more." 

A look of fury flashed across his face, "What!?" He cried "More!?"

After that he totally lost the plot, and chased me around Jacobs Island trying to hit me with his walking cane. Fortunately I was able to escape just in time by twisting my magical spanner. Unfortunately I left all my signed memorabilia back in 1836. Oh well easy come, easy go, I guess it's true what they say - you should never meet your heroes. What a primadonna!

I'm still going to make good on my promise to help out people less fortunate then myself by sponsoring my friends Damo and Gav Wynne. They're going to run the London Marathon dressed as Smurfs to raise money for helper dogs for children and young people who are blind or partially sighted. If you'd like to donate money for this great cause, or if you just think that two unfit blokes dressed as Smurfs running the London marathon is funny, I've put their just giving link on the my Facebook page.

I'll be back somewhere new next time, see you later people!

SE1 - Shad Thames, Part 1

Hello People, 

Today I'm taking a stroll through Shad Thames. To my right are lines of restaurants and bars filled with tourists and those feeling a little flush. Some are greedily tucking into their lobster thermidor, others are enjoying a sociable pint after another hard week in the city. To my left is that beautiful old muddy brown river - the Thames, and in front of me is a paved path scattered with huge iron sculptures. Some resemble giant human heads, some look like parts of a broken ship, while others look like absolutely nothing at all. 

Walking around here is a wonderful way to spend an evening, although if I'm honest not particularly exciting. What I need is a bit of adventure so I can write about it in my blog. Fortunately I have a magical adjustable spanner which allows me to travel through time. My wife Rosie - who you will remember works at the British Museum making sure the Mummies don't escape from their crypts at night - won it in the annual BM summer clear-out raffle a few years back. Rosie herself is far too busy with her work, baking and floristry commitments for time travel, and had only bought a ticket out of politeness and the hope of winning the 5th century Ming Dynasty Vase, so she gave the magic spanner to me.

Now that I think about it, having a magical adjustable spanner which allows you to travel through time is quite a unique selling point for a blogger, and I can't think why I've never mentioned it before. Let's give it a twist and see what happens...

Shad Thames

One small turn of the screw and the years simply roll away. When they stop I find myself in a time before the bars, before the restaurants, and even before Nando's, to a time when Shad Thames was a bunch of derelict warehouses next to an abandoned dockyard. As I write, I see a group of men in sharp suits walking along the docks with their cameras and note pads. I assume these to be the developers who would later make Shad Thames what it is today; so I must be in the late 80s, early 90's. As the men get closer I realise I'm right, as leading the pack, dictating while others write notes; is Sir Terrance Conran. Sir Terrance is the man who had the vision to regenerate the docks, an incredibly powerful individual with an impressive business empire including the furniture giants Habitat and Heal’s. He seems in his element walking along the docks, but wait what’s this? A woman has joined the group, and she doesn't look happy. In fact she's started arguing with Sir Terrance and the developers. I do believe she's none other than the great Maggie Blake! She was a local protester who fought the Shad Thames developers over access rights to the south bank of the river. Maggie and her supporters believed that everyone should be free to walk along and enjoy the Thames, the developers however thought access should only be for paying customers, and the wealthy private residence. Maggie and her supporters fought a great campaign and - against the odds - won! In the London we know in 2016 the ally that leads from Shad Thames to the riverside is named 'Maggie Blakes Cause' in honour of her.

I'm so happy to have seen Maggie, I think I'll go talk to her. She's a true SE London hero, and besides it will be great to hear from a woman for a change, British history is an absolute sausage fest. But wait, things seem to be getting quite heated between Maggie and the developers, in fact she's punched one of them, and now she's reaching for a lump of drift wood that's washed up on the docks and she's swinging it around like a baseball bat. Most of the developers have ran away, but old Conran has grabbed a piece of wood too and it looks like he's getting ready to make a fight of it! But, oh no! Conran’s famous creativity has gotten the better of him, he's become distracted by the natural beauty of the wood and he's trying to make the frame for a chez lounge out of it. Maggie looks like she's getting ready to take a big swing... For God’s sake defend yourself man, you haven't time for this creative expression!...

Oh well I guess I'll leave them to it. I'm not done with Shad Thames yet, but I'm getting close to my word count so you're probably all starting to lose interest and wondering if any of your friends or your friends' friends have updated their Facebook status yet. So I'll finish the rest of my story next week. Till then I might as well hang around in the nineties, so I'm off for a Wimpy and a game of Sonic the Hedge Hog.

Laters.